So we’re driving along in Seattle one day minding our own business, as we’re apt to do and I spot a advertisement on the side of a building.  What struck me was the large print upon the poster.  It read "Captain Smartypants."  In smaller print was "Trousers of Terror."  A little snicker there?  I thought so.  Go google Captain Smartypants and you will laugh even harder. 

I proclaimed to D that he would now be referred to as Captain Smartypants.  I had been trying to find a good name to refer to him as in the blog-o-sphere.  Captain Smartypants was perfect!  Why?  Because the man knows just about everything there is to know.

On a daily basis CS’s co-workers come and stand in his doorway to ask him random questions.  They aren’t even work related questions half the time.  If a random family member has a question they need an answer to do they do like the rest of us and look it up on the internet?  Noooo.  They call Captain Smartypants.  You could be telling him a big long story about how you saw something on TV, read it in the paper or on the internet and he already knows about it.  Take for example an upcoming movie starring Samuel L. Jackson.  I can’t even mention the name of the movie because I don’t want to be googled and thus associated as one of those bloggers that is perpetuating the stupidity of such a film.  So I am watching Dateline the other night and they are talking about how bloggers are going crazy over this movie, but I hadn’t heard of such a thing.  Yeah, yeah… I live under a rock.  So CS gets home and I asked him if he had heard of this movie.  His reply, "yes."  How the hell does he know about such a menial and stupid thing?  The man knows every. thing.

I live with a walking encyclopedia!  So yes, D will heretofore be known as Captain Smartypants on this particular blog. 

Today is my birthday.  On this day in 1976 I made my entrance into the world.  Yep… that would make me 30.  Somehow I thought this day would be rougher than it really is.  I am working on moving into the next decade of my life.  In fact, I am embracing it.  I am looking forward to my thirties.

So I bet you are dying to know how Elle plans to spend her thirtieth birthday.  If not, I am going to tell you anyway.

It is currently 10 am and I have yet to shower.  I took today off of work.  I have been working full time the past two weeks since the lady I job share with is in Colorado taking care of her father. (Thinking of you Jan!)  So yet another Jan (Janet in this case) is filling in for me. 

My fantastic husband made me a delicious breakfast.  In the supermarket the other day he asked if I wanted Grands Cinnamon rolls for my breakfast on my birthday.  I thought I would like Blini instead.  This is Saturday morning treat that I make.  D hasn’t ever made them and anything considered a pancake is a bit of a challenge for him.  He looked at me and said, "but I don’t know how to make those."  I said I would be happy to do it.  But to my surprise he was making breakfast when I got up.  So blini and bacon for breakfast. 

I then sat down to do some serious blog reading.  I have been neglectful of my reading since working full time.  I feel guilty if I sit there and read blogs if there are people around.  Of course as soon as everyone leaves I check in a little.  So my goal was to read all the blogs on my blogroll and comment on as many as possible.  I believe I have accomplished that goal.  Sorry Margaret, yours wasn’t working this morning for some reason.

Oh!  D also gave me my birthday gift.  I got a Donna Karan gift box.  I have been out of perfume for eons and miss it terribly.  I am allergic to most perfumes (shocking!) and Cashmere Mist is one of the only ones that doesn’t make me sneeze.  Trust me I have smelled nearly every perfume out there.  So now I will smell pretty again.  

I plan on doing some final weed pulling in my garden this morning.  We are having a party on Saturday and the thought of my yard looking like crap with people coming over frightens me.  So one last section to go!

D also told me yesterday that he has my afternoon planned.  He is coming home at lunch and we will probably go grab something quick to eat.  A turkey sandwich (for me) at Arbys sounds good.  Give me a break!  I like them.  They make a mean turkey and swiss.  I am a sucker for a turkey sandwich.

Then we are leaving Tacoma around 2:45 to go to Olympia where my MIL is taking me over to Kelly’s to get a manicure and pedicure!  Woo hoo!  Then D and I get to spend the rest of the afternoon together.  (if time)  I would love to run to downtown Oly and go to the jewelry store to get my rings cleaned.  They are just about nasty.

Then we will do chat (for the adoption agency) at 6:00.  Then off to Indian Summer Country Club for dinner.  They have the best ravioli!  Love it!  Oh and the Vodka Collins are to die for.  Not to mention the Creme brule that I can’t eat, but will anyway.

Saturday we are having a party for my birthday.  D let me order a fancy cake from a real bakery.  I am so excited.  They are one of those swanky bakeries that makes the designer wedding cakes.  And of course being the princess that I am I conned them into letting me have rolled fondant icing.  (just because I think it is pretty)  Had to pay through the nose for it, but I don’t care.  The menu for the evening will be all cajun!  We had originally thought of having the party at From the Bayou, a local restaurant.  But we thought it would be more fun, and cheaper to do it at our own house.  Thus the copious yard work.  So the meal is Cajun rubbed brisket on the grill, Chicken and andouille jambalaya and a cajun salad.  The plan is to roll the beer fridge onto the back patio, but I am thinking just clearing a path might be the better bet.  

I really am excited about all of this.  Thank you all for your love and friendships.  Thanks to all who have sent the e-cards and email wishes.   I treasure every one of them.  Now I am going to leave you with an excerpt from a book that a friend sent me as a birthday greeting:

Birthdays

From Here and Now - Living in the Spirit, by Henri J. M. Nouwen

Birthdays need to be celebrated.  I think it is more important to celebrate a birthday than a successful exam, a promotion, or a victory.  Because to celebrate a birthday means to say to someone:  “Thank you for being you.”  Celebrating a birthday is exalting life and being glad for it.  On a birthday we do not say:  “Thanks for what you did, or said, or accomplished.”  No, we say:  “Thank you for being born and being among us.”

On birthdays we celebrate the present.  We do not complain about what happened or speculate about what will happen, but we lift someone up and let everyone say:  “We love you.”

I know a friend, who, on his birthday, is picked up by his friends, carried to the bathroom, and thrown clothes and all into a tub full of water.  Everyone eagerly awaits his birthday, even he himself.  I have no idea where this tradition came from, but to be lifted up and “re-baptized” seems like a very good way to have your life celebrated.  We are made aware that although we have to keep our feet on the ground, we are created to reach to the heavens, and that, although we easily get dirty, we can always be washed clean again and our life given a new start.

Celebrating a birthday reminds us of the goodness of life, and in this spirit we really need to celebrate people’s birthdays every day, by showing gratitude, kindness, forgiveness, gentleness, and affection.  These are ways of saying:  “It’s good that you are alive; it’s good that you are walking with me on this earth.  Let’s be glad and rejoice.  This is the day that God has made for us to be and to be together.”

I would like to apologize to you all if you happen to get weird comments from me on your blogs.  You see… paperwork as suck all the brain capacity from me.  I am resorting to a turrets like state.  Wild twitches, off the cuff foul language.  I really think I am getting dumber by the minute.

But I do have a plan.  A good friend told me that I really need to stop reading message boards.  Of course my mom has been telling me to get away from the computer for months.  So am going to take that little bit of advice.  I am going to once again check out of some of the message boards and engage in a few of my favorite pastimes.  And since drinking alone is frowned upon in most social circles and most of you live too far away from me I will have to resort to quilting and gardening.  My plants are all secretly cheering outside.

So you will continue to get an occasional comment from me. It may be a little funky, but remember I am doing this for your safety not mine.  You have been warned. 

Don’t worry… those of you with designs in the cue… I will get to them.  You want them to look good don’t you?  Well I need a little dendrite fluffing to make that happen.  In the mean time go check out Susie and Sandy’s blogs.  Please forgive me for Sandy’s.  I am still working on it.  I am going to take a hiatus on the new people for a little bit.  I need to do some catching up.  I’ll let you know when I am back in business.

That used to be my motto.  Comfort!  What was that.  As long as I looked good it didn’t matter.  Then my adult gene kicked in.  I realized that jeans an flip-flops were a better choice than owwee shoes and pants that cut off my circulation.  But now and again I do something not quite in the realm of intelligence.

So we get these tickets to go see the end of the year show at Pacific Northwest Ballet.  I’ve never been to the ballet.  It was fun.  I thought I would have a little fun with my outfit.  So I whip out my little pleated kahki skirt and think that ohhhh! I have to perfect shoes to go with those!  They are gorgeous.  One of my favorite pairs.  I’ve worn them to work before and never really had a problem with them hurting my feet.  Why should tonight be anything different.  Out the door I go in my kick ass shoes.

The smart woman would realize that warm night + walking + wooden shoes = not a fun time had by all.  You see these shoes have a wooden sole and a leather upper.  It wasn’t the wooden sole that got me so much as it was the upper.  Oh dear Lord, it rubbed on my poor pinkie piggies and now they have blisters.  I never get blisters on my feet.

I am now relegated back to my flip-flops.  Fun part… I have an appointment with a landscape design client this afternoon.  My first design client appointment in months and I have to wear flip-flops to the appointment.  Lucky for me I’ve met with this couple before and they know I am a little off.

So was it worth it?  Blisters on the feet just to have great shoes.  You tell me…  These are the shoes.  They are made by Lucky Lou Shoes

Mine have a camel colored upper.  They don’t make that color anymore.  I bought mine at Art Deco Days in Miami about 4 years ago.  I paid about 1/2 of what they sell them for now.  I’d love to have a pair of the Tiki ones in Pussycat Velvet, but where the heck would I wear those.  Mommies group?

It’s true.  I think I did.  I have had nothing remotely exciting in my life to blog about.  You want excitement in the life of that other girl that occupies space in my head read HERE.  Otherwise Elle is pretty boring.  So I will give you some Elle observations.

I am married to a card carrying anthropologist.  It’s true.  There is even a certificate on his office wall stating so.  Lucky for us he works in the insurance industry so I can have my cushy church job and still eat.  Needless to say, living with an anthropologist makes you look at the world a little differently.  One of my favorite pastimes is observing people at the grocery store.  Better yet, those in the check out line.  Have you ever paid attention to what people buy?  My favorite 2 are the extremely overweight couple at The Mega Industrial Sized Food Product Store purchasing a case of store brand diet shake and a 5 lb. bag of "Real Bacon Bits."  Hmmm.  Or the equally overweight lady at the supermarket with a conveyor belt full of Lean Cuisine (obviously on special) and an a chocolate cake.

I have the miracle diet for anyone who sits around on their fat asses and bitches about the fact that they can’t seem to lose the weight.  It is called "Get off your ass and take the fork out of your mouth."  Harsh?  Well… yes.  The only way that you lose weight is to eat less (or right) and move!  Walk, run, bike, swim or even a little extra effort while gardening.  It isn’t that hard people.

So that was more like a bitch and moan, but I had to get it off of my chest.  I promise I am going to do some looking for my funny bone.  If all else fails I could resort to telling you what Summer weather does to my hair.  It is equally as… not pretty…hmm… as the spring. 

I am a self proclaimed bad driver.  I admit that.  Upon the realization of how bad of a driver I really am I stopped performing miscellaneous tasks while driving.  Gone are the days of using driving time to catch up with my mom on the phone.  No make-up application during "commute" times for me.  And I am lucky enough to have a disc changer in my trunk thus avoiding the need to change cds while driving.  I will even go so far as to listen to the same cd over and over in D’s car to avoind having to change it while driving.  (I don’t listen to the radio, too many commercials and DJs are idiots)  That being said, despite the fact that I am a bad driver I am most certainly not a dumb driver.  I am intelligent enough to know the actual rules of the road. 

Dumb drivers are those with no concept of traffic laws.  So lets have a little review of traffic laws shall we?  (these are United States laws. I am fully aware the in other countries you may drive on the opposite side of the road or still in other countries your traffic laws are more like guidelines.)

1. The art of the 4-way stop:  When 2 highways, biways or plain old roads intersect and there is a stop sign at all 4 corners or a 4-way flashing RED light this is a 4-way stop.  When you approach the stopping point ensure your vehicle comes to a complete stop.  If you reach a 4-way stop at the same time as another driver the vehicle to the right is to proceed first.  In all other cases the vehicle that stops first is the first to proceed.  You do not need to wait for other vehicles to come to a complete stop prior to moving.  This rule also applies to 3-way intersections.

2. A free right:  a free right hand turn is allowed at a red light.  If on coming traffic is clear upon the road you are turning on to you do not need to wait for the light to turn green.  You are only sitting in the way of me making my God given right to make a free turn!!!

3. Suicide lanes:  This is also known as a turn lane.  This lane is often in the center of a 2 lane or 4 lane road.  The lane is put there for you to merge into to make a left hand turn.  This is not a lane of travel.  If you are in fact using this lane to turn, kindly merge completely into the suicide lane and get the heck out of my way.

4. The lines on the road:  They are there for a purpose, and color coded for a purpose.  The yellow line should always be on your left and the white line on your right.  Please try to navigate your vehicle within these designated lines.  You may pay taxes on the whole road, but so do I.  So stay in your lane.

5. Power outages and traffic laws:  at most major intersections there is an electronic device hanging from a wire housing a casing with 3-4 lights.  This mechanism directs traffic in the go/stop/ and warning you you need to stop fashion.  In the event of a power outage this electronic device will not work.  Therefore you must have some basic knowledge of traffic rules.  Please refer to rule #1.  When the light is out treat the intersection as a 4-way stop.

6. Depth perception:  Prior to operating a motor vehicle please be aware of your depth perception limitations.  If you cannot judge distances (especially at night) please refrain from driving.  As a general rule of thumb; if the oncoming car is a 1/2 mile away the chances are you have enough time to execute a left hand turn.  Grab em’ and go!!!

7. Simple motor vehicle operation:  Automobiles have 2 or 3 foot operated pedals.  The far right pedal is narrow and verticle.  This is the accelerator.  Do not be afraid to use it.  The left (or center) pedal is the brake.  Please do not be afraid to use this one if you are coming up behind me quickly.  The far left pedal (occasionally omitted in some vehicles) is the clutch.  If you do not understand the full function of the clutch pedal get your ass out of the car and find an automatic.

These traffic laws were designed to protect me, the bad driver, from you, the dumb driver.  If you cannot grasp the concept of these very basic rules I find it best that you stay off the road.  For my safety and yours.