That used to be my motto.  Comfort!  What was that.  As long as I looked good it didn’t matter.  Then my adult gene kicked in.  I realized that jeans an flip-flops were a better choice than owwee shoes and pants that cut off my circulation.  But now and again I do something not quite in the realm of intelligence.

So we get these tickets to go see the end of the year show at Pacific Northwest Ballet.  I’ve never been to the ballet.  It was fun.  I thought I would have a little fun with my outfit.  So I whip out my little pleated kahki skirt and think that ohhhh! I have to perfect shoes to go with those!  They are gorgeous.  One of my favorite pairs.  I’ve worn them to work before and never really had a problem with them hurting my feet.  Why should tonight be anything different.  Out the door I go in my kick ass shoes.

The smart woman would realize that warm night + walking + wooden shoes = not a fun time had by all.  You see these shoes have a wooden sole and a leather upper.  It wasn’t the wooden sole that got me so much as it was the upper.  Oh dear Lord, it rubbed on my poor pinkie piggies and now they have blisters.  I never get blisters on my feet.

I am now relegated back to my flip-flops.  Fun part… I have an appointment with a landscape design client this afternoon.  My first design client appointment in months and I have to wear flip-flops to the appointment.  Lucky for me I’ve met with this couple before and they know I am a little off.

So was it worth it?  Blisters on the feet just to have great shoes.  You tell me…  These are the shoes.  They are made by Lucky Lou Shoes

Mine have a camel colored upper.  They don’t make that color anymore.  I bought mine at Art Deco Days in Miami about 4 years ago.  I paid about 1/2 of what they sell them for now.  I’d love to have a pair of the Tiki ones in Pussycat Velvet, but where the heck would I wear those.  Mommies group?

D had to work yesterday and then he decided that after work he would go golfing with a friend.  This left me home alone on a Saturday unsupervised.  I hate being home alone to begin with, but on a Saturday is even worse.  This is usually our day to work in the yard or do random stuff around town.  We typically have lunch out and leave the house for at least an hour.

I figured since I was going to be alone and was tired of doing yard work that I wanted to build something.  We have huge patios on the front and back of our house but little by way of seating.  To tell you how huge they are and the amount of people that come to our house for a gathering; a large table with 2 chairs and a bench plus 4 other patio chairs is not enough.  Plus we got a new table and chairs from my mom for Christmas.  And we whip out the two seater beach chair.  Still not enough space.  We like to throw big parties. 

Anyway… my idea was to make one of those nifty planter box benches.  You know the kind.  A planter box on either end with a bench in the middle.  Simple right?  I get to the local mega home improvements store and they only have 1 of the planter boxes that I need.  Rather than hunt down an under trained monkey to look in the stock room for 30 minutes just to come back and tell me that is the last one, I decided to modify my plan.  I thought I would just build a free standing bench that would be easier to move anyway.  Of course I don’t do math in my head and needed plans for said bench.

Off to the puny book department.  I find a plan that I can work with and draw my own little sketch.  Off to the lumber department.  I hunt through the lumber department looking for the right lumber and pieces that are only 8′ long.  I know that an 8′ piece of lumber will fit into my car.  Remember what kind of car I drive?  A bug.  Yes, I went to buy lumber while driving a bug.

With the lumber found and loaded onto my cart I proceed to the check out, pay the nice lady and make my way to my car.  Across the aisle from me are 2 men loading lumber into the back of a pick-up truck.  I see them kind of snicker as they watch a little woman park a cart full of lumber behind a Volkswagen.  I convert my car into bug-a-truck and proceed to load my lumber.  Two 4x4’s, one 2x6, and four 2x4’s.  Again in the back of a bug.  As I am loading the second 4x4 I go to the passenger side door to ease the wood onto the dash.  I lift the wood up and bump the windshield of my car.  I thought I had bumped the rearview mirror.  I get the lumber situated and look to see that everything is ok.

The genious that I am has now put a huge spider crack in the windshield of my car.  You did read that correctly… I broke my windshield.  I am dumb.

Of course there is nothing I can do so I finish loading the wood and lo and behold it all fits!  With the hatch closed!!  Take that old men who don’t offer to help a woman heft giant 4x4’s into her car!

Needless to say I am irritated about my car, but accidents do happen.  D wasn’t mad at me and that is a good thing.  He is going to make me call the insurance company though.  He knows I hate doing that kind of stuff so I guess that is my punishment for my stupidity.  

My bench did turn out pretty neat though.  I had it all finshed and my mess cleaned up by the time D got home! 

My BIL received an email from someone and it had this link in it.  So we played the "Are You Dumb" game.  Evidently Wayne is Dumb.  Not really, but according to the game he was.  Well I went home and played the game and "I am not dumb."  Again, according to the game.  It turns out that the game is not entirely accurate, because I really am dumb.

You see… yesterday was a beautiful day outside.  So I decided that I was going to go work in the yard.  All. day. long.  Pulling weeds and planting things can be a little strenuous so I put on a tank top.  I made a trip to the local mega home improvement store and on the way noticed that my arm looked a little pink.  I thought it was just from my sunglasses.  Which are not tinted pink by the way.  I got home and continued to work in the yard.

A few hours later.  Yes, I said hours.  I went inside and sat down at the computer.  Wow, my arms felt warm.  I got up and looked in the mirror and holy crap!!!  Let’s just say I am yet again one step closer to skin cancer.  What is better is as I was laying on the couch I thought my socks are kinda hurting my legs.  Did I forget to mention I was wearing short pants and Birkenstocks?  I was.  So there is a spot on my feet and one little section of my legs that is also burned.  I would have posted a photo, but they didn’t turn out well.

I am sooooo dumb. 

I know, I know… I have been absent as of late.  Well that is because it took me until Tuesday night or so to feel somewhat human.  Then the weather was fantastic on Wednesday so I did what any self respecting horticulturalist would to.  I went to commune with the Lord in my garden.  I roped D into helping me on Saturday.

So I have a great travel story for you.  Ok, I have lots of travel stories, but this one is an Elle classic!

One of the nights in Russia we decide to go have dinner with our travelling companions.  We hop on the bus and head to the Hotel Parus.  As memory served this was a great restaurant from last time.  Actually the food was fantastic this time too!  We did have a little incident with Suzanne’s potato thievery, but all was forgiven.  The great part of the story comes when it is time to leave.  As always, I have to use the washroom.  The onsie washroom is located in the lobby area outside of the restaurant.  I go inside and the lock is this funky type of skeleton key.  I turn the key and then turn to do my thing.  I take one look at this toilet and whip out my camera.  Somehow it is the oddest toilet I have ever seen.  It is very high up off the ground, the seat is precariously thin and the flushing mechanism is a very large silver button on the wall.  This toilet is so far off the ground that my feet dangle as I sit.  (TMI, but too bad)

I finish up in the washroom and go to unlock the door.  I turned the key and try the handle.  Still locked.  I turn the key the other way.  Still locked.  I turn and turn and turn this key.  Still locked.  I have successfully locked myself into a bathroom.  My dinner companions hear the rattle of the door and "come to my aid."  I am turning the key and Suzanne is trying the handle.  I am freaking out and am convinced that I am permanently locked in this washroom.  Then Suzanne turns off the light.  Yes, the light switch was on the outside of the washroom.  Just then I give the key one last hard turn and I am free!! 

As only Elle could do, I locked myself in a funky washroom.  Want to see the toilet?  It is only one of many toilet related photos I took, or tried to take.

As discussed in the past I hate to do laundry. I almost would rather just go buy new clothes than have to wash the ones I already own. I have a bad habit of leaving clothes in the washer for days on end. And if I have to wash socks… well we all know what happens then.

The worst part is I let the laundry pile up until it is overflowing from the hamper. Of course the bottom 1/4 of the hamper is full of stuff that either needs to be taken to the dry cleaners or handwashed. So the hamper fills up quickly. When I can’t stand it anymore I finally sort the laundry into my multitudes of baskets. What happens to the baskets? They stack up in various places around the house. Usually the wind up in Pickle’s room.

Since the door to Pickle’s room is shut I can’t play my usual shove and stuff of dirty laundry. My MIL was even so kind as to bring the baskets that were in there out so I could was the towels and sheets. Pa-Sha I say. There are baskets in the laundry room (which is also the bathroom I use during the day) and in our bedroom.

The piles of laundry are even wearing on me. I had a fantastic idea on how to solve my laundry problem. I would buy a segmented laundry hamper. This way I can fit more into it, I don’t have to sort the laundry and I could just roll it down to the laundry room when I ran out of underpants.

Therefore I now own what I affectionately call the Laundry Mate 5000. It is a 3 compartment rolling hamper. It is the neatest thing ever!!! D told me that I now actually have to do the laundry. We’ll see.

I had a moment there. Let’s just move past the post where Elle says her cousin is attractive. I don’t really want to be labeled any more of a redneck than I already am.

I must say that currently the Life of Elle is quite boring. Granted I am up to my eyeballs in projects, but there isn’t really anything of particular interest. Look for a few new blog designs to come out pretty soon.

I unearthed my office a little. Evidently I have 2 desks in here! Who would have thunk it? I am still doing a little freaking out about that whole parenting thing. Still not quite sure what to feed this thing when it arrives, but I suppose I will figure it out.

On a totally unrelated subject I have to recommend a book to all of my readers. On most days I am a pretty smart person. I love to read and read just about everything. I do tend to shy away from trashy romance novels and anything suggested by Oprah, but that is a whole different story. I picked up one of the greatest books I have ever read. I know you have all heard about it. The book is Freakonomics. This book if fantastic. I was quite in the need of a good dendrite fluffing (oh, you will hear that phrase from me on occasion). The guys who wrote this are geniuses. They really do look at the hidden side of everything. It will simply astonish you as to how clueless we are to the pressures of "conventional wisdom."

There you have it. Elle’s very own little book club. Pick yourself up a copy of this one today!

I have a very short attention span. Everyone who knows me will attest to this fact. So lets do a little sociological experiment on Elle today.
First: Elle suffers from ECD. (for the symptoms of EDC click here) It is currently 9:24 a.m. and I have checked my email 2 times.

Second: the following is a list of stuff I really should accomplish today.

1. Shower
2. Grocery Shop (D has no food)
3. Take garbage bag out of my office and place it in the garbage can.
4. do the breakfast dishes
5. fold the sheets that have been on the sofa for 3 days
6. make the bed
7. pick up the mess I made in A’s room
8. balance the checkbook
9. cook dinner

Third: the following is a list of things I would really like to do today.

1. work on the multitudes of aprons I already started
2. work on the quilt I started for a girlfriend
3. finish the quilt I started for myself
4. start the scarf I said I would knit for D
5. start work on the costumes and props I said I would do for our church production of Godspell

So… as you can see I have many options on how I can spend my day. At the end of the day I will post to tell you exactly what I did (or did not) get accomplished and exactly how my affliction with ECD really is.

You then can attest to the fact that I must have ADD and assist me in finding a support group, or at least some medication. Either that or this is going to work great for me and I will pull a "see I really can get stuff done."

BTW, besides checking my email, I have read 8 blogs, read 2 yahoo groups, FRUA, and adoption.com. I have searched for handbags on ebay and written this blog entry. I want NO comments on the fact that I need to get a life. There are certain things in my life that I deserve to do at this point!

Wish me luck!

Guess where I am. At the Church.
Guess what time it is. 8:00pm… on Sunday!
Guess why. Because I don’t have a key to lock the fricken door and I have to wait for someone to come and lock it!!!!!!

This sucks.

What is worse is that while I am waiting, I checked my email. And now… I am writing a blog post. This has become a sickness really.

All I want to do is go home, have some food and a nice glass of wine. Is that too much to ask? I had to finish off my nice weekend with D by teaching confirmation tonight. I will admit it was fun. We made sensationalized commercials about the healing powers of various church objects. Actually it was freekin hilarious.

Wouldn’t it be great if those were one of those stories where I get to play the victim and there is this big stalker threatening to kidnap me? It would make for a fantastic story, but sadly that is not the case. I was threatened by D.

I forgot to mention in my previous posts that I am really bad driver. I mean really bad. Ok, not Rhonda bad, but bad. I have managed to drive myself 30 miles without knowing how I got from point A to point B. Seriously. It isn’t so much that I am not paying attention… well… maybe I’m not. I get distracted by random thoughts and just go through the motions of driving. I usually make it home safe. I haven’t been in an accident in a good number of years. (knocking vigorously on wood)

Well, this evening I was driving home from work and evidently I was not paying attention. I realized that the person in front of me was not moving. So I did an awesome defensive driving move and slammed on my brakes and swerved. I was slick. Shaking like hell, but slick.

I got home and told D about my little adventure. The conversation went something a little like this:

Elle: I just about wrecked my car tonight.
D: weren’t paying attention were you?

Elle: I have no idea what you are talking about.
D: If you wreck your car that is it. No more car. We can’t afford to buy you a new one.

Elle: So I should pay attention while I am driving?
D: Yeah, I’m thinking so.

Evidently I need to become a more alert driver.

In other news, I finally found the coveted cell phone ringtone. It took a little creative Googling to actually find it. It isn’t called the Hey Song. It is Rock and Roll part 2 by Gary Glitter. You have to know the one I am talking about. It is the song they play at every hockey rink after every home team goal. Now my phone plays it. I just wish more people would call me.

The finalists for the ringtone were:
Back in the USSR (Derek stole this one from me)
Knight Rider (keeping in that whole 80’s theme)
Ob-la-di, Ob-la da
and
The Mister Six song

Next I am on the hunt for the Hockey Night in Canada song.

I am just damn stubborn. I really hate that about myself. Why is it that we have these qualities about ourselves and we are powerless to do anything to change them? Take for example my allergies. I have mentioned before the severity of my allergies. In order for me to lead a normal life I am required to take a very expensive allergy pill. Now any normal person would see that they are running low on the Pfizer gold and call the pharmacy for a refill. But will Elle do that? Noooo, she would rather run out and suffer the consequences. You would think I would learn.

So here I sit, looking like rudolph, sneezing my brains out (literally). My house is covered in wads of toilet paper simply because I am too stubborn to go out to my car and get the box of kleenex my mom gave me during my last episode. Of course the house would be covered in wads of kleenex, but at least my nose would be less red.

I think my head is going to explode.